Croagunk takes on Heatran in Pokémon Generations episode 12.
Awww shit, it’s Stark Mountain what do we have here? Woah is that an earthquake? LAVA EXPLOSIONS? GAH, I’M GETTING FLASHBACKS OF LEADER MAXIE GETTING MELTED.
Oh, but it’s just Team Galactic. Man, they may have had a semi-capable boss in Cyrus, but their outfits are still stupid as hell. Welp, it’s probably not Groudon, so we chilling fam. Woah, but this goofy ass dude, is calling on Heatran? To do what? Destroy everything? Gah… this guy, Charon, is an even bigger idiot than Cyrus. And way less admirable, even if it’s a super negative connotation. Bruh, don’t go telling the damn thing to destroy for the newly reborn team Galactic and then run away when the damn thing throws a boulder at your stupid face. Gah, the lack of conviction and complete ignorance baffles me. I have to TRY just to be that stupid. Watch, as I honor America’s newly elected shit head president, by being misogynistic as fuck:
Yo, did you know Heatran is the only legendary Pokémon that can be either male or female?
Yeah, well this one is definitely female and is on a yuge period so it’s going on a rampage without regard to life. Oh, but good thing we got two men ready to settle this raging beast down.
I think I just literally lost 10 brain cells. Or a yuge amount. Yeah, I fucking hate Trump.
Anyway, LOOK AT THE DAMN THING ROAR! It’s fucking majestic. Yup, Heatran, the Fire and Steel Pokémon… it could have been lame and been Ground-type, but nope; it’s fucking born awesome. Despite this, I thought that yuge psychic blast from Claydol was gonna at least knock Heatran back, but the Heatran’s Lava Plume ain’t something to fuck around with. IMA BURN UR FACE OFF CLAYDOL, FOR I AM HEATRAN. HEAR ME BLARGGARRA.
Wow. To be fair, Buck, you cannot expect Claydol to have guts. One, it has Levitate. Two, it’s a mineral… it probably doesn’t have traditional organs. And three, AT LEAST IT DIDN’T DIE FROM A LAVA BLAST TO THE FACE.
AW SHIT, but in comes Looker’s badass Croagunk with a FALCON PAWNCH to save Buck and his Claydol. Now that’s a good trainer skill. Use that Fighting-type advantage to push back that Steel ‘mon. Basics baby. And then sweet jabs to knock out the Galactic grunts? Man, this lil dude is carrying hard. Aw shit, and then Looker does a karate chop to shut up Charon? Shit, I wish someone would do that to Trump. I see where Croagunk gets its moves though, respect. And the lil dude continues the attack on Heatran by throwing some surprisingly destructive mudballs. AGAIN, GENIUS. That’s like 4 times damage. Gosh… I really like this lil dude. That Claydol’s Psychic moves are just not cutting it against the Steel-type though. But I guess it ain’t trying to kill it…
AND BOOM, EPIPHANY FOR THE RED-HAIRED DUDE. Claydol IS amazing by basically giving its trainer the ability to levitate as well through telekinesis. JUMP BOY, JUMP. And after a series of sweet moves, Buck successfully stops Heatran by putting the Magma Stone back in its place. A little anticlimactic, I guess? But what up with Heatran dissipating into golden particles of light? I guess it lives inside that stone rock thing and only comes out to fuck shit up if its home is out of place… almost like a primitive Pokéball.
For the record, Buck would probably destroy Looker, assuming they use Claydol and Croagunk respectively. The type advantage is ridiculously in favor of Claydol since its Psychic/Ground resists Croagunk’s Fighting and Poison moves. One Psychic to Croagunk would spell disaster for the Poison/Fighting type. Though if Croagunk is carrying Sucker Punch, then it might be a different story… which it probably does. Aww shit, now I wanna see this fight.
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We can’t always be happy with life’s outcomes.
Welp, there’s always next week’s episode of Generations!
